4 Personal Agreements

“When you told me you were hurt and angry, I realized that I was afraid… then angry at you because they did me wrong… Then I realized that I took your sharing in person… If I could stop and accept your anger as your experience… I was able to hold a space for it as your reality…. And I fell back into love. I love you. I love us. The four agreements© were published in 1997 and have sold about 9 million times. He has been on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly a decade. Everything we do is based on agreements we have made – agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life.

But the most important agreements are those we make with ourselves. If your faith creates deep happiness in you, then I say, keep it. If they cause trouble, if the beliefs of others are different, consciousness can leave you with the choice of what you believe and what you let go. Many of our convictions, our concepts, our agreements were nourished to us as “truth” when we were young, and we accepted them literally and completely. The beginning of the four chords is about how we were domesticated by our caregivers in a “dream” of life. The only dream they gave us was the one they lived, which they received most often from their parents, etc. Not taking things personally does not mean isolation and lack of love. Finally, Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book. Read it and see if you come to the same conclusion. I needed to learn and teach a new meaning to “feel,” and to guide me and others to express “I feel.” I now insist that only a word “I feel” can follow, and that it must express a personal experience in the emotional/physical body, preferably in the present moment. “I feel angry, sad, happy and scared.” Communicating with ourselves, not taking things personally (#2) gives us the opportunity to look inward, to find and change the old arrangements and beliefs — most of the lies of our domestication in childhood — that involve us emotionally and push us to react. The author of the article describes precisely the “dream” of people that distorts what people say or do.

It is a powerful gift from Toltec Wisdom. As for intransition, this word certainly has the connotation of perfectionism, and if we take it that way, we would indeed go crazy. (Besides, the impeccability and other agreements you make with yourself, not the requirements that Ruiz imposes on you.) On the other hand, if you engage perfectly with your word as your goal, if you commit to be as honest and kind as possible with your words, without waiting for perfection of yourself or to fight if you are too short, this agreement could improve your well-being with yourself.

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